Just another night in the ER

So I thought I would share some highlights of one of my recent shifts at work...

11:30pm...I was walking down the hall to the break room to have my lunch when i look down another hall and see one of our regular drunks (let's call him Tom) walking towards me in nothing but his dirty t-shirt and his hands over his goods. Here's the conversation...
Me: Tom, what are you doing?
Tom: Lookin for food
Me: Well where's your pants?
Tom: I pooped em.
Me: Huh. Well you need to go back to your room.
Tom: You know there's a magic word, it's called please. Now GO get me some food!
Me: Tom you know we dont feed you here. You can have water and crackers. This is an ER, not a resturaunt or hotel.
Tom: Well f*%& you b*&#*!
Me: Ok Tom, time to go (as I quickly dart down the hall so he doesn't chase me).

Needless to say, Tom was quickly escorted out by security just to return again the next day...

2:15am...Another frequent flyer who we will call George walks up to the triage desk with his boombox in hand and mardi gras beads around his neck. Here's what follows...
Me: Hey George, what's up?
George: I need to see a doctor. (in the meantime he is mumbling a bunch on nonsense at a rapid pace).
Me: Ok (I procede to get his medical history as he continues to ramble between answers). Hey George, are you schizophrenic?
George: (his eyes get wide) Hey, you know that word?! You're pretty smart! (ramble, ramble, ramble) Nope, not schizophrenic.
Me: (smiling) Ok. Well that's a nice boombox you've got there.
George: Yeah, my buddy gave it to me, pretty sweet huh?
Me: Sure is, okay, have a seat in the waiting room (he sits down and continues his "word salad" conversation as we smile).

3:45am...An older (and somewhat crazy) gentleman walks out of the department into the waiting room after being discharged. He takes a seat in front of us and makes friendly conversation about the nice weather and his boat and whatnot. He tells us he loves East Lansing (home of MSU) and sits in the coffee shop every morning to watch the girls walk by (we're a little creeped out now). Here's the rest...
Old guy: You know I just got out of prison.
Me: Oh, what did you do? (a bit nervous for the answer)
Old guy: Killed a guy
Me: (my coworker and I are now exchanging glances, trying not to turn beet red)
Old guy: He had it comin..tried to hurt my sister...shot him right in the face.
Me: (too shocked to say anything)
Old guy: You know it's supposed to be 50 degrees tomorrow? I think I'll take the boat out fishin.

We almost fell out of our chairs between laughing and shock.
I love my job, it's things like this that make up for the crappy stuff. Plus we get cooler stuff out here in Michigan, unfortunatley because of the drugs/alcohol prevalance. Keeps things intersting, that for sure :)